The other night I was reading through John, specifically, the days leading up to cross and Easter. I got to the part of the story where Peter (basically Jesus’ BFF) denies knowing him. Now this struck me, because only a few chapters earlier, during the Last Supper, Jesus totally calls Peter out when he dramatically claims, “I am ready to die for you!” and tells him “Before the rooster crows tomorrow you will deny me three times.”
Fast forward a few hours, Jesus is arrested and Peter follows him to where he was taken. Someone asks if he is one of Jesus’ disciples, he replies no. Later, around a fire with villagers and members of the High priests court, he’s asked the same question, again he denies knowing Jesus. Soon after, a slave that had gone with the soldiers to arrest Jesus says, “Didn’t I see you in the Olive grove with Jesus?” and in frustration he defensively refutes the question of knowing him.
Guess what happens next... Cockadooodledoooooo…
I went to bed thinking about denial and woke up to quite an irony—crowing. Typically I enjoy waking up to music but I find that instead of getting up I just lay there enjoying the music, only to fall back asleep. My latest technique has been the obnoxious but effective screeching repetition of a rooster’s crow. I didn’t make the connection until I sat up and spent my morning thinking about Peter and wondering how I deny Christ in my life.
Peter denied knowing Jesus three times after saying he would die for him only a few hours earlier. Thinking about it, I can leave church or a morning of prayer and within a few hours already have lost my patience, treated someone poorly, or have a bad attitude. I’m just like Peter, the only difference is I deny knowing Christ in my actions. The way I live should be direct reflection of knowing God. Circumstances become the questioning people-- do you know him? Don’t you follow Jesus? And my actions when I don’t live out my faith (in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self-control) give a big fat N-O. Cue rooster crow.
I think denial of God comes in two forms:
The first, is denial that we need him, that he exists. Refusing any such God who cares or knows about our lives. It’s the denial of a fully man yet fully God person who did miracles, died and then came back to life. It’s as simple as saying scientifically I just don’t see evidence or the only person who controls my destiny, my life and future, is me. It’s denying His promise of Eternity in heaven; belief that this is the only life we get-- there’s no heaven or hell or a God to answer to.
The second, is denial in action. It’s a belief in God but denial of the standards he’s set. Making excuses (or denying) a need for church or good influences. Choosing mediocrity and a Sunday to Sunday relationship with Him. Denying the need to pray, read the Bible, or live like Jesus. Belief in a higher power but denying the lifestyle that is required to truly know and be in relationship with God.
The problem with denial is it is a reflex of defense. It lacks humility. There’s no self-examination or open-minded thinking in denial. It’s impulsive. Like when someone calls you out on something and your first instinct is to say “NO I AM NOT!” or make excuses, rather than fess up to the fact that it’s true.
In the same way we deny ourselves the love and satisfaction that comes from God by discarding the need for Him in our lives. We deny ourselves the blessings and joy that comes with doing our best to live values of virtue. But see denial is easier. Denial is easier than looking at our faults. It’s easier than accepting our failures. It’s easier than changing. It’s easier than explaining the unknown. It’s easier to live MY way.
The reflex of denial is only easy in the moment. Covering something with a blanket doesn’t make it go away. Just like the truth still exists even if you choose to ignore it.
In 12-step programs the first “major” step is ADMITTING you have a problem. Admission or willingness is the first step to removing denial from your life. Peter proved we aren’t all we think we’re cracked up to be. That’s the point. Accept the fact that you really can’t do it on your own. That this world is too beautiful and detailed to just be a fluke creation.
Lives of influence and value take time. They require my willingness to give up self and give into Christ. It involves work on my part. Acceptance, love, lifestyle changes and priority shifts. Often the journey faces failure, trial, error and hardship. Those circumstances test my reliance on God. They are the pressing questions looking for my denial: are you sure God exists? Do you really know him? Is it really worth it?
Before you answer look at these promises Jesus made: “I have come so that they may have life and have it full (John 10:10).” “In this world you will face difficulty but take heart, for I’ve overcome the world (John 16:33).”“I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life (John 8:12).” He’s made promise after promise to be with you and love you and forgive you if you’ll stop living in denial and start living in Him.
After Jesus died, he returned to reveal himself to the disciples. He has another conversation with Peter asking him three times if he loves him. Peter’s reply is yes, yes and YES OF COURSE. In those three confirmations Jesus was restoring Peter, forgiving him. Love beats denial, it’s just that easy. Peter went on to be one of the most influential representatives of Christ. Carrying the message of Jesus into this very century, through his many New Testament books. He learned from his denial. He grew, changed and sacrificed selfishness to be fully alive in Christ.
Freedom, full life, hope—> truth worth accepting.
He’s on your team. Be willing to let him coach you through this life. Remember the play book, make him proud today. Turn to him for help. Listen to his advice and follow his direction. Keep training; strengthen your mind, body, and soul. Love others, love him, live for him. Accept the truth. Be willing to change. STOP denying yourself of all God has for you by denying Him.
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