The Wait

Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick…

I have an old school clock that hangs over my door. I sort of forget it’s there until someone comes over and says, “doesn’t that clock drive you crazy?” Then I hear it: tick tock, tick tock. It’s repetition can be haunting I suppose. Still, I don’t often notice. I do however recognize what its incessant ticking means—time is moving forward. Each tick inching towards another minute passed.

Why is it that time is so haunting though? I can’t help but think of the bunny from Alice in Wonderland who obsessed over being late. We’ve all been there. There are two sides of time that most often enter into battle in our lives. It’s either going too fast or we just want to get to what’s next. When you’re 15 you can’t wait to be 16 or 18 and then 21. When you’re 26, you just want to go back to 22 (or maybe that’s just me). We hate waiting. We hate rushing. We don’t like when things take a long time. The internet is too slow and the traffic light is taking forever. Don’t forget though, that the massage wasn’t long enough and the break was too short. School days last forever, beach days couldn’t last long enough. This is the battle of time.

‘The wait’ seems like an appropriate title considering anyone who regularly reads my blog has been waiting for quite some time. My mind has been so jumbled up with stuff I haven’t even been able to sort it out, no less form it into a half contemplated blog to share with the world. But, the time has come. The wait is over…or is it.

Despite my short disappearance I’ve managed to surface with some interesting thoughts. First, I’ll start by saying it’s been a rough six months. I certainly have not been myself. I feel like I’ve overcome a lot, or should I say God’s showed up and has given me the strength, courage, and love to overcome it. That being said around my birthday, I decided pray and listen to God and sort of try to hear what he might want to tell me about my heart or what I need to focus on over the next year. I got an interesting impression and yet, a very clear one.

Waiting. This is a season of wait.

Hm. Okay. Alright God, that’s cool I can work with that. Develop some patience. Get some rest and quiet time. Work on perseverance and consistency life skills. Yeah. Waiting, I like it. I’m in.

Sometimes when I reflect back on my thought patterns, I wonder if my brain needs an extension cord to plug-in somewhere and get some sort of charge to actually function with some reality based thinking.

Waiting is hard as crap first of all. Long lines suck. Traffic jams make me want to punch myself in the face. Anticipation is a small form of torture. I like waiting? I mean, who says that? Furthermore, my father, who continues to boggle my mind with his hidden wisdom (he’s sort of like the wizard of Oz or something) burst my ridiculous thought process when he posed the question, “Lauren, but have you thought about the various definitions and what it means ‘to wait’?”

Uhhhh. Yea, of course… I then immediately did what anyone in my position would do, I google’d it Allow me to enlighten:

Wait [weyt] verb;

to remain inactive or in a state of repose

to remain neglected for a time

to be available or in readiness

to look forward to eagerly

to postpone or delay in expectation

to perform the duties of an attendant or servant for; to supply the wants of a person
to call upon  (a person, especially a superior)

Talk about complex. I should’ve known. God doesn’t do simple. If figuring things out for ourselves were simple we wouldn’t need to ask him for direction in the first place.

The real question is, am I ready for this season of wait? Maybe I could handle the ‘looking forward to eagerly’ part and the inactive thing. I am certainly ‘available’, I’m busy but willing. I could even manage the ‘delay in expectation’. But when it gets a bit sticky is that God might be asking me to remain neglected for a time. Let’s get one thing straight—that doesn’t mean God or even people will neglect me, it more than likely means my plans or desires or prayers may be neglected for a time.

Remember that whole consistency and perseverance thing I mentioned? That’s when those come into play. Will my heart and attitude stay loving, thankful and consistent even when I feel like I am not getting things I want or even deserve? Will I persevere through the hardships?

What about that whole ‘perform duties’ thing? Think waiting tables. I know all about that. Am I willing to serve Him? To serve others? To put their needs and wants before mine and do it with genuine, no-strings attached love?

To call upon or visit. That’s an interesting one isn’t it? When I’m unsure of what’s next or what to do or why things are the way they are… who will I call on first? Who will I turn to as my source of hope, provision, protection and help?

Dang. Waiting is way harder than a traffic jam when I think about all of that. Funny thing is, I still want it. I’m excited for it …I’m waiting with excitement to conquer it. Orrrr, to have God show up and triumph through me. Still, as long as I don’t have to do it alone the whole waiting things seems worth it.

The dictionary also had this to say: “Wait usually implies staying for a limited time and  for a definite purpose, that is, for something expected.” I expect to see God use this time to prepare me for something really good—definite purpose is what he does best.

If a word can have so many meanings and intricacies, it certainly gives perspective of how complex He must be.  When I take the time to see the big picture it’s easy to grasp that His vision for my life isn’t something I can pinpoint but it’s something that I just have to persist in and continue to grow in its complexity. A few things, however, remain clear: I am immeasurably valuable to God. I have purpose when I put Him at the center. Life is multifaceted but I don’t have to survive it alone.

”God, the one and only— I'll wait as long as he says. Everything I need comes from him, so why not? He's solid rock under my feet, breathing room for my soul, An impregnable castle: I'm set for life.”
-Psalm 62:1&2 (MSG)