Let's for a minute take time to define this honk. To me there are a few types-- aggressive, angry, panic and 'hello?'. Aggressive would be a couple solid holds. Angry is one long hold, sometimes just beyond the point of ridiculousness to emphasize the anger. Panic would be a couple short holds, followed by a long one. And hello? would be a couple quick light taps.
Two light taps--that was my honk. On top of that, if you heard my horn, you might actually laugh out loud. It sounds like Pee-Wee Herman's bicycle horn.
The next thing I know the driver-side door swings open and a tall, skinny, elderly man aggressively emerges from the car. Charging towards mine, his facial expression said a thousand words. For a split second I thought about putting the car in reverse and slamming on the gas.
Terrified he might punch me in the face, I only rolled down my window about three inches. Cue verbal assault. The thought that he might have an actual heart attack crossed my mind as his raspy voice shouted, “DO YOU HAVE A [explicit] PROBLEM?!” In total shock I stammered, “I-I-I wasn’t trying to be rude, I’m sorry.” Without a beat he continued his rant, “YEA, DON’T [explicit] HONK AT ME THEN!”
I watched him march back to his car, slam the door and speedily turn left. I just sat there not really knowing what to make of what just occurred. Driving over the causeway to work in silence, I began to feel sort of sorry for him. I wanted to go back and give him a hug. I think he really needed a hug. Obviously my wimpy honk was not the source of his anger. It may have been the tipping point but I highly doubt it is what he was really angry at.
The bizarre incidient got me thinking about response. Response to situations, people and life. You know all the clichés—when life gives you lemons…the glass is half full…every cloud has a silver lining...etcetera. This “positive mentality” isn’t always easy to do when life’s plowing you over and a little blonde girl is honking in the car behind you. But the reality is that everyone’s going through something. Life’s circumstances could ALWAYS be a heck of a lot worse than your bad day.
When I first started working as a waitress I took it really personally when customers were mean and unhappy towards me no matter what I did. It felt like getting beat up for no reason. After a day of assault after assault, I came home in tears. My mom sat down with me and said, “You know Lauren, some people are just unhappy in their lives and it has nothing to do with you. They treat everyone they encounter that way, not just you. The best way to handle it is to continue to smile, be kind and love them anyway. Because they probably really need it.”
So my response is to love even when people treat me like crap. Sounds like the short end of the stick, I know. But it goes back to that value of virtue. If I’m consistent with my attitude in spite of my circumstances, the core of who I am is built on qualities of character (integrity, love, kindness, thankfulness, respect, etc).
The character of who you are produces response. Take for example if I were to spill marinara on the floor and some of it splatters on the people nearby. Their response can go one of two ways: graciousness or irritation. Don’t worry about it, no big deal, it was an accident or Wow…really!? These shoes cost more than you make. Are you an idiot? This is ridiculous!
There’s two sides to the coin of response, you call which side it lands on:
Peacemaker vs. Provoker. Compassionate vs. Selfish. Open-minded vs. Judgmental. Loving vs. Hateful. Generous vs. Greedy. Patient vs. Irritated. Happy vs. Ill-tempered. Humble vs. Arrogant. Content vs. Insatiable. Respectful vs. Ignorant. Understanding vs. Proud.
What’s it going to be, heads or tails?
Hopefully you can predict where your coin lands. If you aren’t quite sure you might want to evaluate the maturity of your character. Our moral core is deep rooted in who we are, response is a defining moment in the nature of our character. Consistency equals maturity.
The old Lauren probably would’ve gotten out of that car and screamed right back in his face or held down the horn while he attempted to yell over it. The Lauren who’s been growing in character, worked hard at trying to root herself in virtue and values, felt compassion for him. That’s the Lauren God wants me to be. The coin landed up.
Whether it’s response to strangers, situations, close relationships, or God: negativity, anger, sarcasm, shouting, threats or belittling is like a bulldozers—it only does damage. Communication without aggression on the other hand, shows a mature response. More often than not it cultivates respect and a positive response in return.
Life might give you a lemon or two every once in a while, but you already know they are sour; you can either squeeze it in your eye or be content knowing they make a darn refreshing drink.
The response is yours.
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