I know I'm not the only one. So many of us have been through some rough stuff in our lives. The unfortunate side effect is we can begin define ourselves by the disappointments and hurts we've experienced. Allowing the crap we have been through shape our development. In doing so, what we become isn’t so pretty. (It’s like trying to take poop and form it into a sand castle; it is still a smelly pile of crap.) Internalized from the circumstance that damaged us in the first place, we're left with this sort of void. Thus, dumb decisions sometimes stem out of a desire to feel fulfilled.
I know when I was dragged through the mud I didn't want to face getting up or cleaning off. The seemingly easier choice was to temporarily numb the scrapes and bruises. To throw a little alcohol on them; fill my lungs with the smoke of thoughtlessness, fogging out the memories.
The problem with this coping mentality is we settle for the fleeting, convinced it's the long-term happiness we have been searching for. The mud becomes part of our identity masking our real selves. Anything to distract from the pain. In reality, we are just clogging the arteries to the heart of who we really are.
I may not have been dragged through the mud by choice, however, I chose to lay in it. That decision was like tying the weight of the heartache to my leg and jumping into the ocean. I stayed there for quite some time, enabling it to drown me. I let the weight of my circumstances become the anchor for my life.
Don’t get me wrong on the outside I looked like I was having a blast: I danced, drank, partied—“lived it up”. Inside my heart was barely beating, blocked by crud and gunk. I may have been living, but I wasn’t alive. I didn’t value my character. I chose a temporary high over a foundation of virtue. The mud only masks the surface—you determine what your heart looks like.
The values you hold and your capacity to live them out, develops consistency of character and reveals the intention of your heart. Think of it like a math problem:
Values + Virtues = Character
Convictions + Capacities = Consistency
Someone once told me character can be determined by looking at the person you are not. I tried it with Jesus...
He WASN’T:
- A liar
- Rude
- Mean
- Judgmental
- Revengeful
- Ignorant
- A drunk
- Greedy
- Racists
- Selfish
- Hateful
The Greek word for virtue is arête, it means "to live up to the full potential of one's created purpose, rather than being diluted by lesser things (vices).” Eventually, I realized I was only hurting myself being anchored to my past. I wanted a life of virtue, not of vices. I reevaluated the intentions and purposes of my life.
My past is filled with unfortunate circumstances and bad decisions; instead of continuing to drown me, they now attest to how far I have come. I allowed God to de-gunk the arteries and breathe His life into me. I felt my heart beat again. He wiped off the mud and reestablished my value.
I’m not saying my life is peachy keen or I’ve got it all figured out or I’m never faced with difficulty and pain. I can say that I wake up every morning, plant two feet on the ground with a desire in my heart to live my life following Jesus. Doing my best to exemplify love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, and self-control throughout my daily routine. And at the end of the day, when I climb back into my bed, I’m faced with my failures: I wasn’t patient, I didn’t love, I acted like a jerk and didn’t practice self-control. The failure part is no surprise to God... humans have been going down that road since the invention of fruit. That’s the greatness of God; he does not expect perfection (though he certainly insists on effort). It's about being anchored in virtue.
Perfection in the eyes of God isn't performance driven, it's the motivation (or purpose) of our hearts. God evaluates our heart's intent, not the flawlessness of our performance. Waking up each day with the intention of loving God, leading a life to be followed, and acknowledging a need for Him, is enough.
It’s a choice to lay in the mud, drown in the ocean, or anchor your life in virtue. Give the battle wounds over to God. Scars may remain but they are only evidence that you can overcome anything. Proof that the heart of who you are is more valuable than the mud you’ve been dragged through.
Untie the rock. Don't let circumstances drown you. Let your life speak.
“If you want to better yourself, better your fellow being. If you want to feel the richness and warmth of unfailing love, give it. If you want to make a difference and leave your world a better place, let others know how important they are as you put their needs above yours.” - Jaren L. Davis
What a blessing your blog has been tonight! I'm thankful I stopped by and soaked up your wise words of encouragement. I'm now following and look forward getting to know you more. Come by and say hello :)
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