On this ropes course, trust was the only way to freedom. I had to trust the ropes, my body, the harness, and the wires. Any doubt in my ability to make it to through would’ve left me stranded on platform hugging a tree 40 or 50 feet above the ground. “Leap of faith” took on a whole new meaning.
I have never been afraid of heights, but I may have developed one on that ropes course. There was a few times I looked at the task ahead and doubted my abilities to make it to the other side. I also saw the ground below and questioned that this wire and belt thing would prevent me from plummeting to the ground. Slowly though, I began to trust. The more the course proved itself reliable the more I gave into faith and gave up on doubt.
That’s something God has really been showing me here in Poland about faith; when I give into it and leave doubt behind, I not only land safely on the other side but I become a little more free each time.
Here in Rzeszow, I have discovered the extensive doubt that exists in the hearts of the young people here. Doubt in the Catholic Church, priests, God, and people in some instances. Teens in Poland are exposed to drinking, smoking, sexuality, body issues, and drugs very early on. Alcoholism is a major problem within many families, mostly in men. So much claim to a religion yet lifestyles reflect otherwise, quickly I grasped a disconnect and understood the doubts.
Here in Rzeszow, I have discovered the extensive doubt that exists in the hearts of the young people here. Doubt in the Catholic Church, priests, God, and people in some instances. Teens in Poland are exposed to drinking, smoking, sexuality, body issues, and drugs very early on. Alcoholism is a major problem within many families, mostly in men. So much claim to a religion yet lifestyles reflect otherwise, quickly I grasped a disconnect and understood the doubts.
The first day I arrived here in Rzeszow, my team was immediately embraced by a few of the teens the team last year met. Immediately I began to connect with a beautiful young lady named Malwina (pronounced Malveena and lovingly known as “Malvi” to me).
Over french fries we chatted and laughed and I knew she was something special. Later, Ashley told me more about Malvi and the special friendship that developed last summer. She is 15 years old and like most teens, has experienced a variety of hardships already. As we got closer, she told me of struggles, hurts and difficulties in her life. The more I got to know her the more my heart was burdened, I saw many of my own struggles in her.
When she would tell me things I didn’t just empathize with her—I knew exactly what felt. Ashley and I began to regularly meet with her one on one for lunch or coffee. Both of us, listened to, prayed with, shared the message of Jesus and poured our hearts out to her.
Still, there seemed to be a disconnect—an ever-present doubt in God and his “realness”. She believed in God just not that he wanted to know her and talk with her.
Ashley and I daily (sometimes a few times a day!) prayed for Malvi and that God would reveal himself to her, that her “belief” would become a true relationship with Him and that her desire to be different would come from within through Jesus in her heart.
One afternoon, I sat in the park with Malvi and talked for three hours. I shared everything (and I mean everything—the good, the bad and the ugly!) that I have done and how God changed my life. I felt great as we walked home. In the next moment, however, Malwina mentioned she wouldn’t be around on Thursday for the campfire because she would be drinking at a friends.
Andddd dagger through the heart.
I went home feeling discouraged and sort of arguing with God about what he was (or wasn’t, in this case) doing. I knew all of our teams efforts were not in vain. God really is doing wonderful things in Poland but this was just such a heavy burden for my sweet friend.
Later that night, Malvi got a hold of Ashley and I telling us of some upsets at home. She was very distressed and angry. We encouraged her to read her Polish Bible and journal what she was feeling. Malwina replied, “I will try for you. But I do not believe. I do not think it will do anything or that it works.” We told her to tell God that. “He can handle your honesty,” we insisted.
The next afternoon Malvi came over. Ashley and I asked her about her prayer time and journaling. She reaffirmed her doubt, though she said she did try it. The conversation went deep as we told her story after story of God doing cool stuff in our lives. Sharing stories about Jesus and what he did in his lifetime.
It was one of the most wonderful rich conversations I have ever had. She was like a little sponge, questioning, wondering and soaking it all in. There was certainly a shared joy in our hearts as we finished our conversation with Malwina. But just before leaving, the dagger was back as she reminded us she wouldn’t be at the campfire. And with a swift piercing, the joy burst, along with my heart.
Before dinner with the Pastor and his wife, I couldn’t help but doubt that I was making any impact. I felt like I had failed God and part of me just asked him if he had heard my prayers.
In the next few hours Pastor shared how he got to Poland, the difficulties of trying to share the Gospel in a country full of “believers” –-believers in an institution, good works, and rituals as a way to get to God. I asked him if it was discouraging to serve and love these people but not see many peoples lives changed. His response was humbling and his faith blew me away. “I know God is working in Rzeszow, I may not see the fruit of what I am doing now, but I pray and believe that my children will.”
Dagger to the heart?? I felt like such an idiot. Here I am in this city for a few weeks hoping God will show me the fruit of my “labor” and annoyed when I don’t “see” it, meanwhile this pastor who has given up so much, is serving with the pure trust that God is faithful. Pastor Adam isn’t serving for the reward or recognition, he is serving in love because that is what God called him to do—whether he sees it or not. He shared stories about people who had been impacted by someone sharing Jesus with them…three years earlier. He said, “It is in God’s time that people come to know him, not ours.”
I apologized to God for being so ridiculous. For my expectations and doubt. I thanked him for just letting me be a tiny part of what he is doing.
A few days later at youth night Malwina sat down next to me and with a huge smile on her face said, “Did I tell you?! God answered my prayer!”
She went on to explain that the night she had been upset it was because her father had lost his job. She said when she prayed, she asked God to give her dad new work. That morning his old boss called and offered him a job.
“He heard me and my dad now is working. And so, I believe!” I didn’t know whether to scream with joy or smile or laugh. I was so happy for her. The joy in her eyes was enough to make anyone want to believe in this faithful God she had entrusted with her prayers.
God is living, active and faithful. He is answering the doubts of Polish teen girl and in the same moment affirming his faithfulness to a young American woman.
Wired safely to the strength of a mighty, mighty God, arms spread wide, joyfully wooohooo’ing, we each stepped off the platform in faith and left doubt on the platform; a little more free with each leap of faith.
**Special thanks to my beautiful, sweet Malvi for allowing me to share her story with you :) I love you my precious friend!!!
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