Sometimes I find myself enslaved to my 'to-do' list. As If getting things checked off makes for a successful day.
Between classes yesterday I had things that "needed" to get done. The post office, papers, and errands to run in a few short hours.
Instead, a tantrum of impatient toe tapping, eye rolling, and annoyed sighs of frustration sum up the actions I displayed as various circumstances inhibited me from getting anything accomplished.
After an hour of little success, I blurted out, "Why can't I get anything done!?"
I sat in my parked in my car and thought about my rhetorical question. A bit more calmly, I posed it again, "Why can't I get anything done, God?"
The stillness of his replies always bring goosebumps to the surface of my skin, "What 'needs' to get done?... What needs have I not met for you, Lauren?"
Insert awkward silence.
It feels silly to say we can depend on God even with our every day "to-do's", but it is truth. The Bible says not even a sparrow can fall from a tree without God knowing. Talk about tiny details.
Frustration set in yesterday when MY agenda was put on hold. These kinds of moments most often cause us to panic or worry and become anxious or angry. Our humanity surrenders to emotion, instead of relying on God.
Being unable to control what gets checked off next is equal to being unable to control what happens in our lives. Things come up interrupting our plans or God may tell us to wait. Either way, it offers the opportunity to live where you are meant to live--in the present. In moment-by-moment dependence on God.
The reward is freedom. It is the fullest sense of joy. An indescribable worrylessness that isn't controlled by the desire to control.
"The truth is that self-sufficiency is a myth perpetuated by pride and temporary success. Health, [possessions], and wealth can disappear instantly, as can life itself."
Today, this is the only 'to-do' on my list:
Trust God with even the smallest details of my life.
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